...that 'they' don't tell you about.
There should be a pamphlet produced by the NHS and distributed with your notes when you're discharged from the maternity ward, that tells you, along with the standard 'what to expect in the first few weeks', what will actually happen over the next few months and years. I've peppered this post with photos of Jamie enjoying playing in his box, just because I can! Here are some things I've learnt along the way thus far, telling fact from fiction...I'm almost 10 months in:
FACT: You will spend many, many minutes, days, possibly even weeks or months, simply staring at your little one, thinking that, quite possibly, you have the most gorgeous baby in the whole entire world. And you do.
FACT: Your hair will fall out. Quite a flippin' lot. It will scare the pants off of you, and whilst on the surface you may appear to remain calm and look like a rational human being (albeit a slightly frazzled one!), inside you're screaming "OMG I'M GOING BALD" at the top of your lungs. Well...I can confirm it's (sadly) completely normal to experience a great deal of hairloss post pregnancy. Almost 10 months in and mine is still shedding at the rate of knots, and I've currently got that ever-so stylish fluffy regrowth around my hairline. The good news is, I've not gone bald. Or mad. Yet...
FACT: Your baby will not, under any circumstances, adhere to what the experts or books say they will. Babies, rightly so, do things when they are good and ready. However, as a Mummy, surrounded by other (perhaps slightly more competitive) Mums and their babies, you have this innate "why isn't my baby doing that" reflex. For me at least, it's a gut instinct, and I try and bat away the thoughts by focusing on what my clever little man does do.
FACT: You will cry, be exceptionally moody, be over enthusiastically happy, feel depressed and probably a little bit broody (no, just me?!), all at once. It's normal. You see, it's not just 9 months of pregnancy, a few hours (quite a substantial few in my case) of pain/pushing/operating and then, wow, a baby. Oh no...you'll be a hormonal nightmare for at least the first year - I'm pretty sure women have been excused of murder after having a baby, or is that just a wicked rumour?! Don't be scared by this, and don't be ashamed if you're wondering "who the hell am I and what the hell am I doing?!" long after you expected to be. After all, it's a big deal becoming a Mummy, and all that this fabulous job entails.
FACT: Being a stay at home Mum (SAHM) is tough. It's rewarding, and wonderful, and an extremely fortunate thing to be able to do...but, it's blimmin' hard work. It can be a thankless task, it's lonely (at the start, no matter how adorable you're baby is, it simply is not capable of adult conversation) and it can also be pretty mundane - babies need routines, and endless cycles of feeding and nappy changing can get the best of us down at times. You will also get those irritating sods (not always men either) who claim that you must have all the time in the world/a sparkly, shiny clean home/endless pampering etc etc, because you, you know, 'don't work'. Insert suitable expletive here. You know what though, I wouldn't change it for the world...but I need still need to moan about it sometimes!
FACT: Your skin and body will experience what is commonly known as a roller-coaster ride. Oily, normal, combination, dry - you name it, your skin will probably be it, at some point. During pregnancy my skin was, for the most part, clear and healthy looking, and whilst I don't think I ever really felt that effervescent glow, I was pretty happy with my lot. Fast forward to after the birth and it's a different skin type for every week of the month! I *think* my skin has made it's way to the end of the ride...although I've probably gone and jinxed it now!
FACT: Baby brain is a myth. Oh, no, it isn't. In my experience, baby brain continues waaaaay after people allow it as an acceptable excuse. My mind is a sieve, and it's probably a good thing that I haven't yet returned to the more traditional forms of (paid) work yet. Thankfully, I've not left Jamie anywhere yet...
FACT: You may take a while to adjust to becoming a Mummy. It doesn't mean you love your precious baby (or babies!) any less, and it certainly doesn't mean you're not a good Mum. It's normal. There is a hell of a lot to learn when you become a Mummy, and babies (sadly) don't come out waving a manual in their chubby little hands. So, if you feel like you're in way over your head, and are pretty much winging it most days, that's pretty normal. I'll bet most other Mums are too. Even Supermums!
FACT: It takes 9 months to put the weight on and 9 months to lose it. Forget it. As if there wasn't already enough pressure on women (in the media, from peers etc) to be 'perfect' and lose the baby weight within seconds of leaving the hospital. Unless you are very rich, and have access to a personal trainer, personal gym, nanny and wet nurse, then it's going to take a lot longer than that. Be realistic, you'll no doubt spend the first few months in a complete bubble, totally consumed by your adorable new baby, then you'll suddenly become aware that your trousers are digging in uncomfortably at the waistband and you have a substantial Mummy tummy. I'm battling my own body demons, but I've learnt one thing...it really doesn't matter!
